Chris Foster (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sociopathchan) wrote2011-11-06 04:43 am
sociopathchan) wrote2011-11-06 04:43 am
(no subject)
“This is gay.”
Chris was the first to comment of course, because heaven forbid anything go without his commentary on the level of retarded the situation was. Over the years Percy had come up with a sort scale to understand Chris’s level of annoyance with a situation.
For example, the lowest of the scale lended itself to terms like ‘dumbshit’ or ‘moron’ while middle ground usually fell to ‘gay’ or the slightly more extreme ‘are you retarded?’ The worst was when he started throwing around ‘fucktard,’ which was rare enough that Percy could only remember him doing so once.
That, of course, was a whole other story.
“Chris that’s not politically-“ Percy started, remembering the lesson they were supposed to learn about bullying just the other day. He thought he should remind Chris since the other boy had spent the entire assembly systematically shifting over until the kid at the end of the bleachers accidentally fell off and sprained his wrist. Before he could finish Alice chipped in, voice bright like a bell as she hung off Percy’s shoulder.
“Stop being gay Percy!” She said with a laugh. Chris clapped her on the shoulder in approval and Percy sighed as Alice beamed. Sometimes…
“As I was saying before our friend the fuckwad so rudely interrupted me, this is so fucking gay it should be covered in body glitter and shaking it’s limp wrist around.” Chris said, effectively being as rude as he possibly could be in a single sentence. Percy didn’t say so, he didn’t want to tempt the two of them to somehow get into a contest of who could make the sentence more rude, it had happened before and Percy had liked being able to go to that diner.
“Well, I mean- if it was gay that’s a target demographic, right?” Percy tried, watching Chris’s eyebrow slowly rise in the way it did when he said something Chris thought was stupid, which… was every time he spoke practically.
Before he could comment Alice slapped her hands over their mouths. “Shush you fuckers!” Yup, she had been spending way too much time with Chris lately. Percy made a mental note to take her to a pet shop, that would be fun and hopefully not disastrous. “Look, our prey!”
True enough when Percy peeked out from behind the bushes they were hiding behind there it was, a white rabbit walking right into their trap. Percy still wasn’t sure how Alice managed but while Chris and he had been enjoying a horrifying movie Alice had swooped in, a piece of paper clutched in her hands and tearful look on her face. Apparently someone’s pet rabbit had gone missing and it was up to her- no, it was up to them to be true heroes and return this child to it’s family.
Percy had been a little unsure of the whole thing but it seemed like the right thing to do, while Chris had automatically rejected the idea as retarded. By some miracle of nature Alice managed to convince him to come along, mostly by tugging on his sleeve and saying pleasepleasepleaseplease get your ass up! Percy was never sure how she did it but Alice always seemed to be the only one able to convince Chris to do anything he didn’t want to do. It was a useful tool in their friendship at the very least.
So here they were, Alice bouncing between them, Chris disinterestedly changing the song on his iPod and Percy watching the rabbit actually go for their crude trap. That had been an adventure in and of itself, as Chris kept trying to make the trap more deadly while Alice kept adding strange, unnecessary things, saying the rabbit probably liked that kind of thing. Percy was still a little worried they had done something to the trap when his back was turned.
As soon as the rabbit was under the box Alice tugged the trap’s string with gusto, throwing her arms in the air in celebration. Percy grinned while Chris held out a hand and stopped Alice from falling over at the very last minute.
“We’re heroes! You hear that bunny, you’re safe! Alice has got you!” Alice said gleefully as she bounded over, followed by Chris.
“Yeah you’re going to be rabbit stew, fucker.” He said, receiving a whack from Alice.
“Chris, no! Don’t listen to him bunny, he’s a drunk.” Alice retorted, poking her finger through the makeshift cage before Chris pulled her back.
“The little asshole’s going to bite you moron, calm your tits.” He said as Percy walked over, a small smile on his face as he kneeled to examine the rabbit. Alice stuck her tongue out before grinning at Percy.
“We did good, didn’t we?” She said, bumping her shoulder with his. He grinned back.
“We did Alice.” He answered.
Chris was the first to comment of course, because heaven forbid anything go without his commentary on the level of retarded the situation was. Over the years Percy had come up with a sort scale to understand Chris’s level of annoyance with a situation.
For example, the lowest of the scale lended itself to terms like ‘dumbshit’ or ‘moron’ while middle ground usually fell to ‘gay’ or the slightly more extreme ‘are you retarded?’ The worst was when he started throwing around ‘fucktard,’ which was rare enough that Percy could only remember him doing so once.
That, of course, was a whole other story.
“Chris that’s not politically-“ Percy started, remembering the lesson they were supposed to learn about bullying just the other day. He thought he should remind Chris since the other boy had spent the entire assembly systematically shifting over until the kid at the end of the bleachers accidentally fell off and sprained his wrist. Before he could finish Alice chipped in, voice bright like a bell as she hung off Percy’s shoulder.
“Stop being gay Percy!” She said with a laugh. Chris clapped her on the shoulder in approval and Percy sighed as Alice beamed. Sometimes…
“As I was saying before our friend the fuckwad so rudely interrupted me, this is so fucking gay it should be covered in body glitter and shaking it’s limp wrist around.” Chris said, effectively being as rude as he possibly could be in a single sentence. Percy didn’t say so, he didn’t want to tempt the two of them to somehow get into a contest of who could make the sentence more rude, it had happened before and Percy had liked being able to go to that diner.
“Well, I mean- if it was gay that’s a target demographic, right?” Percy tried, watching Chris’s eyebrow slowly rise in the way it did when he said something Chris thought was stupid, which… was every time he spoke practically.
Before he could comment Alice slapped her hands over their mouths. “Shush you fuckers!” Yup, she had been spending way too much time with Chris lately. Percy made a mental note to take her to a pet shop, that would be fun and hopefully not disastrous. “Look, our prey!”
True enough when Percy peeked out from behind the bushes they were hiding behind there it was, a white rabbit walking right into their trap. Percy still wasn’t sure how Alice managed but while Chris and he had been enjoying a horrifying movie Alice had swooped in, a piece of paper clutched in her hands and tearful look on her face. Apparently someone’s pet rabbit had gone missing and it was up to her- no, it was up to them to be true heroes and return this child to it’s family.
Percy had been a little unsure of the whole thing but it seemed like the right thing to do, while Chris had automatically rejected the idea as retarded. By some miracle of nature Alice managed to convince him to come along, mostly by tugging on his sleeve and saying pleasepleasepleaseplease get your ass up! Percy was never sure how she did it but Alice always seemed to be the only one able to convince Chris to do anything he didn’t want to do. It was a useful tool in their friendship at the very least.
So here they were, Alice bouncing between them, Chris disinterestedly changing the song on his iPod and Percy watching the rabbit actually go for their crude trap. That had been an adventure in and of itself, as Chris kept trying to make the trap more deadly while Alice kept adding strange, unnecessary things, saying the rabbit probably liked that kind of thing. Percy was still a little worried they had done something to the trap when his back was turned.
As soon as the rabbit was under the box Alice tugged the trap’s string with gusto, throwing her arms in the air in celebration. Percy grinned while Chris held out a hand and stopped Alice from falling over at the very last minute.
“We’re heroes! You hear that bunny, you’re safe! Alice has got you!” Alice said gleefully as she bounded over, followed by Chris.
“Yeah you’re going to be rabbit stew, fucker.” He said, receiving a whack from Alice.
“Chris, no! Don’t listen to him bunny, he’s a drunk.” Alice retorted, poking her finger through the makeshift cage before Chris pulled her back.
“The little asshole’s going to bite you moron, calm your tits.” He said as Percy walked over, a small smile on his face as he kneeled to examine the rabbit. Alice stuck her tongue out before grinning at Percy.
“We did good, didn’t we?” She said, bumping her shoulder with his. He grinned back.
“We did Alice.” He answered.